


Everything's in Order in a Black Hole

by Celebrate_the_irony



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Gen, Trans Male Character, Trans Tucker, this is set like back in blood gulch, y'all remember the good ol days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 02:28:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4770152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celebrate_the_irony/pseuds/Celebrate_the_irony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Why would you bleed all over the kitchen?”</p>
<p>or Tucker is trans, Church never knew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything's in Order in a Black Hole

**Author's Note:**

> short little thing I wrote and never posted. Blue base is fun to write.

“Church!” Tucker yelled. No answer. “Church!” He heard a sigh from the next room.

“What the fuck do you want Tucker?” Church replied in his usual mildly irritated tone.

“Are you sure this is all the supplies?” Tucker said. He was currently standing in blue base kitchen desperately searching through the small monthly crate of supplies. He was starting to panic a little.

“Yeah, why?” Church asked. He had wandered into the kitchen to see what on earth Tucker was doing now.

“I can’t find them.”

“I’m sure you don’t need yet another box of condoms, the box you got last month should see you through til the rest of your life.” Church smirked at his own joke. Tucker frowned at him.

“What? No! I can’t find my pads, man” Tucker said. The smirk quickly disappeared off of Church’s face.

“Your what?” Church asked, surely he heard that wrong.

“My pads, tampons, y’know period shit.” Tucker explained.

“Why on earth would you need them?” Church was clearly not understanding the situation, Tucker rolled his eyes.

“You probably don’t, I do. In fact I need them now before I bleed all over the kitchen.” Tucker said as though it was a life-or-death situation. Church still didn’t get it

“Why would you bleed all over the kitchen?”

“Church dude, I have a uterus that throws a fucking murderbrawl every month, like seriously every morning for a week I look like I’ve died and taken twenty people with me.” Tucker laughed at his own joke and carried on looking. Church lent on the counter and took a minute to breathe deeply.

“You have a uterus?”

“Don’t forget my banging tits,” Tucker said and proceeded to do a little shimmy of his chest. Church felt like he may need to lie down.

“I… what” Church stuttered out. Tucker’s eyes widened as he suddenly stopped searching through the supplies.

“Dude you didn’t know?! I have a kid!” Tucker started to laugh at Church who was now so bug-eyed there was a chance they may pop out at any moment.

“That came out of your stomach!” Church said as though it was a logical conclusion that Junior clawed his way out of Tucker's stomach.

“And through my vagina! You were there! How didn’t you know?”

“But you jerk off all the time!” Church cried. Hell only last night he couldn’t sleep from all the moaning coming from Tucker’s bunk.

“Yeah I do.” Tucker agreed matter-of-factly. This only confused Church even more, why in the fuck would he use up so many tissues then?

“But…” Church feebly responded.

“Dude do you even know how a vagina works?” Tucker asked clearly baffled at Church’s ineptitude, this was the wrong question to ask as Church suddenly got defensive.

“Why don’t you fucking ask Tex if I know how a fucking vagina works?” Church replied haughtily.

“No he doesn’t!” Tex yelled from the other side of blue base.

“For fuck’s sake!” Church shouted. Tucker smirked. Sis walked past them and grabbed the chips out of the supply crate. “Did you know about this?”

“About what?” Sis replied as though she hadn’t been listening in with Tex.

“Tucker’s vagina.” Church said.

“Oh fuck yeah!” Sis said with enthusiasm that Church didn’t need to hear.

“And it knows about you.” Tucker replied. Church had never felt more disgusted in his life.

“Do we have any other surprises for me? Is Caboose actually a fucking elephant? Does Tex have a third nipple? Is Flowers not dead?” Church shouted.

“You’re dead” Tucker pitched in unhelpfully.

“Woah really? Nice!” Sis admired.

“Yes thank you Tucker.”

“Hey Tex what’s it like fucking a dead guy? I’ve only ever done partially dead.” Sis yelled at Tex as she left the room.

“Look it’s not that big a deal, I always thought you knew that’s why I never mentioned it.” Tucker put his hand on Church’s shoulder. “I’m still the same ridiculously attractive man you always knew.”

“Oh fuck you right in your clit.”

“You really don’t know your way around a vagina do you?”


End file.
